Clouds of Uncertainty

I wouldn’t say I’m an exceptionally fearful person, but there are certainly a few things that do indeed scare me. I’m a little afraid of the dark when I’m alone because I’ve watched too many episodes of Law and Order, and I’m fearful of becoming lactose intolerant because I absolutely love milk. There is still a level of fear surrounding death, and I really don’t like spiders too much except when their dead. Because I love the joy found in relationship, being lonely is possibly the thing I fear most in life. I suppose I’m also a slightly afraid of leprechauns - even though they’re not real – because they’re just so weird and gross. There is also one more thing that really scares me:

Uncertainty.

Being in a state where I don’t know what is going to happen scares me because I no longer have control, and I like control. I like to be able to understand situations, base decisions on solid information and then direct my future accordingly. Thus, uncertainty is incredibly threatening to my comfort in life…and I love comfort. Oh how I love comfort! Comfort is that sweet soothing friend who bakes you snicker doodle cookies and gives you a hug when you feel crummy, while “uncertainty” is that creepy, angry guy who gets a kick out of making everybody’s life miserable.

It turns out this this fear of uncertainty is unfortunate for two reasons if you’re in my shoes. First of all, as a recent college graduate who currently has no job lined up, my future is shrouded by a good deal of uncertainty. Secondly, as a Christian, I am called to follow Christ which often that means walking a difficult path plagued by with uncertainty. Waiting for me when I get off the plan in November is a cloud of uncertainty that probably won’t roll off quickly like the morning fog in Santa Cruz. No, it’ll probably linger for awhile. I don’t know what I’m going to do, where I’m going to live or what job I’m going to work. Actually that cloud of uncertainty looms a whole lot larger than a few weeks in November or until I find a job because it will actually come and go for the rest of my life. I don’t know where God is calling me now, what my friends will be doing when I’m 45, or where my home will be when I’m 82. I don’t know who I am going to marry, how much money I’m going to make or how long I’m going to live. Most of my future currently consists of vague dreams and deep aspirations which are all mixed up in a swirling fog of uncertainty.

Except there is one thing that I am certain of; one thing I know for sure. I know with absolute certainty that God is my Shepherd now and forever, which means He will always love me, forever sustain me and never abandon me. That cloud of uncertainty will appear more foreboding at certain times in my life than others, but through it all God will be there for me which means I do not have to fear this uncertainty. In fact, I am commanded not to fear.

“Do not be afraid,” God tells King Hezekiah, even though outside the city walls a massive Assyrian army waits and famine ruins the city within. “Why are you afraid”, Jesus asks the disciples even though their boat is literally sinking in a frightening storm. “Do not be afraid,” God commands Joshua even though they are about to enter a foreign land full of enemies.

Do not fear. It’s a command, not a request. And it’s not as if these guys in the Bible were overreacting; no, they were literally facing certain death, and still God said there was no reason to fear. Why? Because He was with them. Sometimes I try to water this command down by convincing myself “God just means it’s healthier for you to not fear so you’re not stressed,” or “He didn’t really mean don’t fear ever, just most of the time.” But those are all false notions I feed mind to comfort myself so that I don’t have to learn the difficult mystery of trusting in God at all times. God says, “Kyle, do not fear”, and because He is with me, I really don’t have to. He is enough.

So, while that ominous cloud of uncertainty looms overhead I can be comforted by God’s strong presence, and I don’t have to be afraid. The uncertainty is just as real as the clouds that threatened to sink the disciples boat, but just as Christ was with those 12 men, He is with me in my own boat as I sail through life. Psalm 23 says that “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod, and your staff, they comfort me.” King David doesn’t say “if” I go through the valley of shadow of death, he says “even though” and assumes hard times will indeed come. I will walk through dark valleys, and clouds of uncertainty – it’s a guarantee. But I need not fear in the midst of that uncertainty because God is with me always. It’s not trivializing uncertainty, it’s gaining a bigger perspective of the God who sustains.

So often uncertainty scares me because I fear failure. If I know what is coming, I can prepare and assess if I’ll be successful or not. If I can succeed, I’ll go with a smile, but if I think I’m going to fail, I’ll avoid whatever is coming. Uncertainty however doesn’t give us the privilege of prepping or preparing – it requires faith and trust. As a human, this makes uncertainty a horrible obstacle to encounter, but as a Christian, it’s really not so bad because I have an almighty God as a Shepherd who will guide me, protect me and sustain me. This doesn’t mean life will be easy, nor does it mean that I will always succeed, but what it does mean is that I can walk boldly into the uncertainty because whether I succeed or fail God will be there to love me, bring me joy and be my salvation.

I may apply for jobs when I get back and get rejected, but that’s ok because God still loves me and is leading me somewhere better. I may be unemployed for a year but still I need not fear because God’s joy will sustain me. Even if I somehow ended up homeless on the streets of L.A, God would not abandon me. I may spend my last dime and be completely broke, but spiritually I am rich because God’s grace is constant.

So that cloud of uncertainty looming on the horizon isn’t going away. But I don’t have to fear uncertainty, because God is with me. Life won’t always be easy, and it may not always be fun, but God is my good shepherd and he will not abandon his sheep. He’ll guide me through the fog too green pastures and quiet streams. I may not know where I’m going, but I know who I’m following – and that is enough.